Redefining Success as a Creative And a Parent | Anne Douris

What happens when you build your entire identity around work, then realize it’s not enough? In this episode of Behind the Village, we sit down with animator and production company owner Anne Douris to explore her journey from working 12-hour days to redefining what success actually means.

Anne opens up about the hard work of separating self-worth from productivity, why COVID forced her to confront what was missing in her life, and how becoming a parent completely shifted her priorities. You’ll hear honest insights about learning to say no, the guilt that comes with slowing down, and why physical community matters more than ever in our low-stakes digital world. Anne’s story challenges the hustle culture narrative and offers a different path forward for creatives trying to build careers that actually fit their lives.

Please note that this transcript was made using AI and it may not be entirely accurate.

00;00;03;06 – 00;00;06;16
Unknown
You’re listening to the Behind the Village podcast,

00;00;06;19 – 00;00;12;07
Unknown
Where we invite you to join us on a journey to understand how to live a life worth living.

00;00;12;10 – 00;00;15;14
Unknown
Our guest today is the multifaceted and Duris.

00;00;15;15 – 00;00;36;15
Unknown
Not only is she a mom of a toddler, but she has her own production company that specializes in animation. A large chunk of that being titled Design and Credit Design. She’s done fully animated pieces for things like music videos. She has a background in set design for kids TV. She also does some work in show development and concept artwork for new shows being pitched.

00;00;36;17 – 00;00;45;11
Unknown
I wanted to know how she got into so many interesting things. And not only that, but how she balances it all.

00;00;45;14 – 00;01;03;29
Unknown
For me. My my history is always been like saying a lot of saying yes to a lot of things because you never really know where those things are going to lead. So I have a really varied work history just because it’s like, okay, I’ve got some downtime, I’ll do this thing and then, you know, like I took an art department job on a kid show and then that, like, led me down an entirely new career path.

00;01;04;01 – 00;01;27;01
Unknown
So that’s kind of my approach to everything is is variety. That’s really cool. Yeah, I relate a lot, on that because I have been pretty much the same way in that I just say yes to a lot of things and see where it takes me. And because of that, I have like a very wide, experience right on my field, of work.

00;01;27;01 – 00;01;50;02
Unknown
But that also makes it a really challenging, concept of being able to keep up with everything that I have learned or all these different avenues or opportunities that are coming up is like, should I take this on? But there’s another opportunity from this other thing that I have done that is also possible. You know, like, how do you, have balance, that, concept?

00;01;50;04 – 00;02;09;10
Unknown
Well, I think this is probably something we talk about quite a lot, which is learning how to say no. And that’s been a big just like, especially since having my kid, it’s been a big shift of being like, okay, I really need to be more decisive. And I used to work 12 hours a day and I, you know, I would just make it all work no matter how many projects I had on the go at once.

00;02;09;12 – 00;02;35;02
Unknown
Now it’s like there are much clearer limits. So, like, my kid comes home and I basically can’t do anything else. So trying to determine, you know, what’s not only going to pay the bills, but bring me more towards my actual goals and not just, like, not just it’s going to be fun and interesting. I try to do things that are fun, but sometimes I don’t have that luxury anymore.

00;02;35;05 – 00;02;43;29
Unknown
But it’s really hard to to have a clear picture of what your real goals are like. That’s an ongoing moving target, right?

00;02;44;01 – 00;02;55;17
Unknown
What changed for N over the course of her career? Life happens. Some of it out of our control. Did her perspective change or shift in recent years?

00;02;55;19 – 00;03;07;29
Unknown
Covid did have an impact on my workflow quite a bit. Like it was amazing. I got like into this space or had so much time on my hands and I wasn’t like getting really back to like my fundamentals with arts and like and music to for a musician.

00;03;07;29 – 00;03;34;15
Unknown
But I when you just are working only and aren’t seeing your friends and aren’t going on trips and aren’t doing anything like, it really became clear to me that I needed more to my life than work. Like, it was like I can keep working, but I was feeling increasingly less fulfilled by it. So before I had my kid, I kind of did reach that point where I was like, okay, this is only going to be able to ever fulfill so much of my life.

00;03;34;17 – 00;03;42;29
Unknown
And it started I started to prioritize things differently, sort of towards, in the years approaching, having my kid.

00;03;43;01 – 00;04;06;02
Unknown
Yeah. So you, I guess, would you say that before, having a kid or before reaching that stage? Your life? It sounded like it was pretty much just, like work. Go to bed and then go do it all over again. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. I was working on right before Covid hit. I was working on, like, set, or just like 12 hour days.

00;04;06;02 – 00;04;26;19
Unknown
And then I had like, other gigs that I was kind of trying to squeeze in around it. So really literally was like work, sleep, and, and when I had my kid like, well, kind of started to shift because even when I was pregnant, I couldn’t, I just couldn’t work the same way. Like I literally couldn’t sit at this table.

00;04;26;22 – 00;04;45;08
Unknown
So it was like I had to start peeling back and like, take more personal time. And, but it really shifted my attitude towards my work. Like, I still love what I do, but I don’t. It doesn’t have the what you see with a kid. It doesn’t have the top priority place anymore, but like it’s a quite a bit lower down.

00;04;45;08 – 00;05;14;17
Unknown
And the things that I truly care about now, and part of that is also just getting older, I suppose I’m a little a little wiser and have more responsibility. Did you feel that that was a hard transition? Because I know for people that work a lot and I consider, myself probably as one of them, my father has always been like that as well, that just, you know, you work as much as you can or you work for as long as you can, but you reach a point where it’s like, okay, this is enough.

00;05;14;17 – 00;05;42;17
Unknown
Like, this is too much like, this is not this is not working, this is not fulfilling, etc.. And when you trying to slow down, it feels like it. I don’t know, it almost feels like there is a part of you that is like, has this guilt of, like, am I just like giving up? Like I should be? I should keep pushing because I think that’s kind of what the world is trying to tell us, or trying to always kind of instill in us that you should always growth at all costs.

00;05;42;17 – 00;06;06;28
Unknown
And slowing down. Feels like I am, I don’t know, not good enough. I certainly know what you’re talking about. The big struggle there for me, anyway, was learning how to extricate my self, my value myself from my success in my job because I always just really tied those things together. As long as I was doing well with work, I was a good person, and I had value.

00;06;07;00 – 00;06;38;20
Unknown
And realizing that it’s like, oh, like I got to learn how to live with myself even if I’m not performing, you know what I mean? And that was that’s no easy task, you know, to to to learn to like yourself based on, you know, be unconditionally, essentially. Yeah. And then and then part of that, though, was also as I got older, having increased sort of class consciousness and realizing that it’s like there’s all this value on productivity for very clear reasons that are not really for us personally.

00;06;38;23 – 00;06;51;23
Unknown
You know what I mean? And just being like, oh, right. Like I was like a, you know, I was a good student. I always like, had to like, have the best grades. I was really like that kind of kid. And to me, like, I just funneled right into that work mindset of like to a lower, you’re doing good.

00;06;51;23 – 00;07;01;14
Unknown
And like realizing that it’s like, oh, that’s my time in life is being extracted away for me, for someone else’s benefit.

00;07;01;17 – 00;07;09;26
Unknown
What about after having her kid? How is she stayed sane and managed to run a business and parent?

00;07;09;29 – 00;07;26;17
Unknown
Ultimately, you can’t really control other people’s production pipelines, so sometimes everybody suddenly needs you at $0.01 and it is crazy. You know, like I definitely have have spreads of weeks where it’s just like, I can’t live this way.

00;07;26;20 – 00;07;44;01
Unknown
But that being said, it’s like I live that way for eight hours and then I’m completely off for the rest of the day. You know, I really try to, like, have a heart out. Maybe after my kid goes to bed, I might get a little bit more work done. But, like, you know, having really clear boundaries is important to me.

00;07;44;01 – 00;08;00;15
Unknown
And, like, I don’t answer emails to a certain time of day, like, it’s just you kind of have to just be that person who puts those walls up, and then people learn to respect them. I think a lot of artists come from a sort of starvation mindset where it’s just like, oh, there’s an opportunity. I have to take it right now.

00;08;00;18 – 00;08;15;07
Unknown
And like that bleeds into the way that we kind of operate our businesses where it’s like, got to stay 100% on top of because I might never get this back, you know, or these being self-employed, that’s, you know, often the feeling that it is like you have to be 1,000% present for your client or else they could move on.

00;08;15;09 – 00;08;35;10
Unknown
But realistically, that’s not really what happens. You know, like they hire you because they want you to do something, not because you’re like immediately available at all times. So kind of learning that and always thinking about that, like, that Jurassic Park moment with the, the guy who plays Newman is like, see, nobody cares, you know what I mean?

00;08;35;12 – 00;09;03;22
Unknown
Actually, nobody cares. Like, it’s not like not everybody is being this molecular about every single thing that you do, right? Yeah. And, yeah. So I try to just have a bit more of a relaxed attitude now. Yeah. How how does I guess the idea of. Cause I know self-care is always a big topic, but how do you try and not only maintain that balance between parenting and work life, but how do you fit time for yourself to to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself?

00;09;03;25 – 00;09;24;04
Unknown
Yeah. I mean, it’s not always easy, but I do try to, like, give myself grace. Like, you know, today’s a Monday. I’m the most tired on a Monday morning. I’m just after a thing with the kid all weekend. Right. So usually Monday mornings, it’s like, have my show or after my kid leaves, I like we’re pretty slowly. I like, tidy up.

00;09;24;04 – 00;09;42;25
Unknown
You know, this is the thing about working at home, right? So my office is also where all this chaos just occurred. So it’s like being like, this is just a part of the workflow is also like if you think about yourself, I mean, you are your business. Like I’m the main driving force behind my business. It’s like this is a part of doing business is teaching, making sure that I can function.

00;09;42;27 – 00;10;01;09
Unknown
So that lens helps. But more practical things like, I mean, I’ve got a dog, I take it for a walk every day. That is immensely helpful. It’s so frustrating. But like, the solution to so many your problems is just a little bit of exercise. It’s like, it’s so annoying that that’s the answer. But it often is know and and yeah.

00;10;01;09 – 00;10;20;01
Unknown
And like, you know therapy I I’ve got acupuncture later today. Oh. So all these little things that just you try to keep your stress managed and, and you know, not not ever let it not let things boil over. But it’s it’s not easy. Balance is is a big part of it. Right. Because I feel like I get on the same way where I’m actually I’m going to run every day.

00;10;20;02 – 00;10;35;11
Unknown
That’s me now. I’m going to be a runner. And it’s like and like for the summer, like I ran every other day and I was like, I’m amazing. I run now and it’s like, one thing changes in my schedule. I’m like, I don’t run anymore. That’s it. Like it’s it’s I try to find this balance of like, do what feels good.

00;10;35;15 – 00;10;58;16
Unknown
Like if your body is telling you like you need to rest right now, then you try to take it easy. Not always trying to like, force yourself into things, but then that balance of like, but no, when you really need to push yourself out of your comfort zone. And I’m, I’m very much in a place in my life with the toddler where I’m just kind of rolling with things like, there’s only so many grand plans that I can really reasonably have right now.

00;10;58;18 – 00;11;15;16
Unknown
So it’s like trying to listen to your body is a big part of that. This just this is a bit of an aside, but I’m gonna throw a book recommendation into the next year, which is, it’s I know you guys know it. It’s called 4000 weeks, and I can’t remember the name of the author offhand, but 4000 read the book.

00;11;15;18 – 00;11;35;02
Unknown
Yeah, it’s it’s the average lifespan of a human being. And so this book is really about, like, you know, we have we can we can talk a lot about big plans and like, huge potential and, and making like the most effective use of all of your time. But it’s really about like understanding your limitations and recognizing that you just don’t have that much time really.

00;11;35;06 – 00;11;52;15
Unknown
And trying to choose things that point you towards things you really care about and not, you know, the whole mass of things. We’re told you should care about someone, you know. So like, we have these limitations around what we’re able to do in a day now, like the amount of resources you have are just fewer. You have fewer hours to achieve these things.

00;11;52;17 – 00;12;11;20
Unknown
One really positive change that I found from having a kid and having this new schedule is that I’m much more decisive, like with work, it’s like I’m like clear, like I’m so much more clear about what I need and what I want and what I want to do. Like, I found that my relationship with my clients has kind of been streamlined because it’s just like, no, this is going to go this way.

00;12;11;20 – 00;12;31;14
Unknown
The sit I made the decision I’ve got, I’ve taken out a more authoritarian tone, and it’s just like it’s helped me become much more clear sighted about what I’m trying to do. So that makes sense. Like it’s it’s forced me into this position of not being able to waffle and be wishy washy and take too long to make creative decisions.

00;12;31;17 – 00;12;52;13
Unknown
Do you struggle with, guilt like guilt with like, work and guilt with parenting? Because I do like, when I’m working too much and I’m like, no, I’m not paying enough attention. You know? Gosh, I’m a really firm believer that guilt is just not a useful emotion. And this is like, I come from a household. Guilt was like the currency.

00;12;52;16 – 00;13;13;06
Unknown
Like it was such, like, passive aggressive fun. So, like, I was like, I it’s it really is hard to get out of your system, but it doesn’t really have a function for us. Like, you can feel guilty, but it doesn’t get you any closer to anything. It doesn’t make anything better. So whenever I have feelings of of of remorse or guilt like that, I really try to put them aside.

00;13;13;09 – 00;13;29;29
Unknown
Like, I spend a lot of time with my kid. I do like, I’m with them all weekend. I’m with them for dinner. I’m with them in the morning. Like, I sometimes I feel bad about the fact that he has to spend eight hours at daycare every day and that I’m not there, but he also likes to be out in the world, and he’s like, he’s my kid.

00;13;29;29 – 00;13;52;25
Unknown
And I don’t own him though. Like it’s like he’s got to have his life and he’s on his own journey. So and I’m sure, you know, keeping the lights on and like, you know, like it’s like there’s a division of things that need to happen. And as much as I like sometimes feel a little like queasy about how much he has to spend with another parent figure, it’s this is just the way that it has to function.

00;13;52;25 – 00;14;10;02
Unknown
Like there’s no I don’t really see the alternative. So I don’t let that stuff get to me too much. Now, I was just interested because I that’s just something that I sometimes struggle with where it’s like, oh, I’m, you know, I didn’t see much of my kids today and they’re kind of asking for me or whatever. And then it’s like, did I not give enough of myself to them?

00;14;10;02 – 00;14;26;03
Unknown
Or am I taking too much for me as an individual? You know, like what? I feel like you can very confidently say that you’re not taking too much for yourself as a parent. I don’t think that that happens very often. This is true. I understand what you mean. A like every day is a mixture of these emotions, right?

00;14;26;03 – 00;14;44;03
Unknown
And every day is a little different. But again, I think it’s really trying to acknowledge that you do the best that you can. And so much of is asked of us as parents now more than ever, like having to have two incomes to me to maintain a household like, you know, I didn’t make that decision for the cost of living to be so high.

00;14;44;05 – 00;15;08;12
Unknown
And I think at two jobs minimum, like most people each have a job and then side hustles like that. Right? So just to get by, like it’s not even to get ahead. Yeah, absolutely. So I mean and then you pay for child like we’re in the thick of paying for childcare right now. That’s like rent basically. Like it’s what I used to pay for rent in Toronto on top of our mortgage, you know, so it’s like, you know, you have to make these choices.

00;15;08;12 – 00;15;26;12
Unknown
I know some parents, they’ll make the decision because, I mean, you’re in some cases you end up to sort of breaking even, right? It’s like I work all day and make almost the same amount as what I paid to daycare or whatever. I’m not really in that piece of my life right now, thankfully, but it is like you make these balanced decisions and you’re essentially just keeping yourself in the game.

00;15;26;17 – 00;15;49;26
Unknown
That’s more of what it is than anything else. It’s not about getting ahead and making a ton of money. Well, your kid’s in care. It’s like I need my career to be preserved for when he’s in school. Like, I can’t just, like, sit out with it’s such a publish or perish culture for the arts, right? Like you need to be making stuff and present in people’s faces, or else the work doesn’t keep coming.

00;15;49;28 – 00;16;00;17
Unknown
A really interesting perspective from N regarding her approach to balancing parenting and work. How does the supportive community come into the picture?

00;16;00;19 – 00;16;24;06
Unknown
You know, you talk about decisions that you have to make to make things work. Like we moved to really, before we had our kid, and being here where my family is, is like, basically allows us to have jobs, like, you know, we it was such a hard choice because there’s so much work in the city. And, like, I basically had to give up working on set when I moved here because it’s like, I’m not going to drive to city for 12 hour day, like I did it for a while, but it’s like it’s just it’s not sustainable.

00;16;24;11 – 00;16;43;17
Unknown
Can’t definitely can’t do with a kid. So like, I had to sort of change the way that I worked in order to be closer to my family. And so we do have those supports if we lived in the city, maybe we’d have more work, but we’d have way less flexibility and help. We’d be paying so much more for like babysitters and additional childcare.

00;16;43;20 – 00;17;03;28
Unknown
So it’s like it’s really a give and take in terms of like how you make these things kind of dovetail together. It’s like sometimes you have to let go of certain opportunities in order to get the help you need to sustain the ones, hopefully, that matter to you a little bit more. There’s such an individual ization of our culture now, like we’re all put in these little silos and you’re just, just, you know, you work at home on top of that.

00;17;03;28 – 00;17;17;20
Unknown
It’s like you’re just like in your little silo all day long. And on top of that, we’ve got this brain drain to the city. So it’s like all the work is in the city, so people just have to go there. So you get people having to make these decisions to move away from their from their communities and their families.

00;17;17;25 – 00;17;35;13
Unknown
When you have kids like families just so huge, like it’s such a big part of making it work. And it also like for my kid’s sake, I want him to be. It’s not just the help that they give me. I also want him to have this experience of being around extended family. We kind of found ourselves in this position of having an incredible community of just neighbors.

00;17;35;15 – 00;17;53;10
Unknown
And we’re really social people like Nick and I, we we really can’t walk down the street and not talk to you if you like. So building that community has been a huge thing for us, too. I found that leaving the city has really changed the way that I exist in the world, and that way community pops up in surprising places.

00;17;53;13 – 00;18;13;06
Unknown
When I was pregnant, my friend took me along to, like prenatal yoga class, which is like, I’m not a yoga person. I don’t like workout classes. I’m just not really that kind of person who goes to, like, a physical fitness class of any kind. But I went because she pulled me along and this class ended up being like this huge thing for me.

00;18;13;06 – 00;18;38;06
Unknown
Like all of these mothers, all of babies are in the same time. We have like a postpartum group that we all were part of. And it was like, we now have a WhatsApp chat that’s been going on for like almost three years. And like we all see each other at like special times of the year. And it’s like there’s this group we’ve created out of this and these are now these are like my friends and it’s like, it’s really allowed me to meet more families in this town and like, have more of a community.

00;18;38;06 – 00;18;55;21
Unknown
But it’s like, you got to take that first step to go to that place. You don’t really want to go. Like, yeah, it’s just you have to go. You have to go do things. You have to get out of the house. And I think it’s really hard for young people now because it being on a smartphone gives you this illusion of things, just like you can have it all, but you don’t have to get out of your chair.

00;18;55;21 – 00;19;16;08
Unknown
It’s like the community’s all there, the connections are there, but it’s also low stakes. Like you can just leave something at any time and there’s no real repercussions. It’s like physical, physically. Being present is just so important for your mental health and for your connection to community. Like it just you have to go like kind of go out, go to the thing and then talk to people.

00;19;16;08 – 00;19;45;02
Unknown
You have to actually just like get out of your comfort zone and talk to people. I think the low stakes is a really interesting point, and that’s something I’ve flagged, even for myself a little bit, is I’ll think, oh, I really want to do this thing, but it’s like, oh, this commitment is good. I’m not going to be able to back out if I decide I’m kind of over it partway through, you know, and it’s just like it’s easier now to just not or like you said, to not push yourself out of that comfort zone or just stay at home and be like, it’s easier if I just don’t go now.

00;19;45;02 – 00;19;59;22
Unknown
And it’s such a thing. I think it’s for a generation like, I know, like the joy of bailing is such a thing for people our age, I think. And it’s like, you kind of got a little bit. Yeah, it got like a little too acceptable, I think. I think we made it. We gave people too much of a pass to back to bail.

00;19;59;28 – 00;20;12;27
Unknown
Like it’s like there. No, it’s like it’s actually you’re not supposed to do that. Like when you go to when you need to do it and when you really need to do it and like, you’re like your friends are still together and everyone’s kind of like, I don’t really want to do this, then that’s, you know, whatever. But I do really, really, really believe it.

00;20;12;27 – 00;20;26;18
Unknown
Even when you don’t want to show up, you got to show up. Because that’s the only way you’re going to get any of the benefits of these things. And like, you know, for example, with ODC, like, I was on the board for about a year and like I did eventually have to step back because it was like, my work is too crazy.

00;20;26;18 – 00;20;43;29
Unknown
I’ve got a toddler like, I can’t really I can’t overcommitted. Like, I just say, there’s no more I can give. And it’s like, that was fine. I still kept all those friends, you know what I mean? Like, it’s like the the all like you’re going to prison. You can you go to join these clubs? You can still be like.

00;20;44;01 – 00;21;07;03
Unknown
But the important thing is that you, like, make connections and meet people. And in find you find your group, you know. Yeah. The joy of bailing that’s too real. Yeah. It is of the best feeling in the world. But, you know, moderation, right? Yes. I think, you know, Nick and I both come from this background of being in Toronto in, like, an intense indie scene.

00;21;07;03 – 00;21;31;18
Unknown
And, like, often I’ll have kids, like, younger creatives approaching me for, like, work advice. And the only real thing that I can ever advise to anybody is like, you need to get out and find your people. Like the all of my career, every opportunity I’ve ever had is come from like the most humble beginnings of like going to shows and meeting people in bands and like deciding to make music videos together and like making silly short films and stuff like that.

00;21;31;18 – 00;21;50;23
Unknown
Like it’s like it all starts with being in person and there’s no real. I don’t think there’s really a workaround for that. Like, I think you really just have to like, get out there and and find people and do and, you know, make silly things.

00;21;50;25 – 00;22;04;03
Unknown
And is right? At the end of the day, connections with people will become some of the most important parts of our journey, both personally and professionally. Find those people that can help you make silly things.

00;22;04;05 – 00;22;06;02
Unknown
Since she.

00;22;06;05 – 00;22;25;22
Unknown
Thank you for listening to the entire episode. All the links and info you heard in this conversation will be featured in the show notes on our website. If you’d like to know more about anything we mentioned in this episode, make sure to check Villager Magazine Talks Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you’re listening from.

00;22;25;24 – 00;22;34;16
Unknown
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